Career Profile Questions for ArtsHub

Q/ What did you want to be when you grew up?

A/ A Smeller, you know the person that smells armpits all day to decide which deodorant is the most effective, it was just a little dream of mine.

Q/ When did you know you would be creative?

A/ I came out singing from the womb, others would call it screaming, but Diamonda Galas would agree with me.

Q/ How would you describe your work to a complete stranger?

A/ Pure Genius.

Q/ What’s your background – are there studies that prepare you for this?

A/ I never look back, only forward. To be honest, there is nothing that can prepare you for being so brilliant. It can be isolating at times, but I like it that way, people can be so selfish.

Q/ What’s the first thing career related you usually do each day?

A/ The first thing career related I do each day is a large shit at the bottom of a hill, I then roll it up. It’s called ‘pushing shit up hill’.

Q/ Can you describe an “average” working day for you?

A/ In the morning I sit in my study thinking about all the reasons why I’m not famous. By lunch I scream at the ceiling ‘Why why why ?’. In the afternoon I write a song about the injustice of my world. I usually end the day with a bowl of ice cream and a valium.

Q/ What’s the one thing – piece of equipment, toy, and security blanket – that you can’t work without?

A/ A banana, I eat one in the middle of every show, it keeps my blood sugar up.

Q/ What gets you fired up?

A/ When people confuse feminism with a desire for equality. I don’t want equality, I want women to dominate and rule the earth!

Q/ Who in the industry most inspires you?

A/ No body inspires me; I’m alone in my brilliance.

Q/ What in the industry do you despair about?

A/ Why is Daryl Somers still on television? Why is Sam Newman a household name? Why is Karl Sandilands judging a talent show?

Q/ What is the best thing about your job?

A/ Knowing that when I’m on stage; for one brief moment, I get a glimpse of what love really feels like.

Q/ What’s the worst?

A/ When I’m not performing, then I don’t feel any more love. It’s the only reason why I perform.

Q/ Are you a fan of new media? Is blog beautiful?

A/ I can’t even iron a shirt, I find new media as overwhelming as the cleaning, I know I should do it but I don’t know where to start.

Q/ What are the top three skills you need in this industry?

A/ Determination. Disassociation. Discrimination

Q/ What advice would you give a young artist looking to break into the field?

A/ Stay away from the arts, we don’t need any more of you coming in here and stealing our jobs!

Q/ When do you know you’ve made it?

A/ When I no longer receive Centrelink payments.

Comedian Hannah Gadsby asks Yana the tough questions…

Hannah: What is your favourite Arnott’s Family Assorted Cream biscuit?
Yana: Monte Carlo. I like those pink bits.

Hannah: How do you prepare yourself for a performance?
Yana: I say out loud, ‘I’m fabulous, I’m brilliant, I’m the best, there is no other, there can be no other, there will never be another.’ Then I have some chocolate and weep inconsolably about my lost childhood.

Hannah: If you don’t perform regularly do you get needy?
Yana: How dare you insinuate that when people applaud wildly I glimpse just briefly what love must feel like. The answer to the question is NO!

Hannah: What do you miss most about your childhood?
Yana: Nothing, my childhood was fraught with pain.

Hannah: Do you find anger a guilty pleasure?
Yana: I don’t find anger, anger finds me.

Hannah: Do you have any scars?
Yana: Is a belly button a scar?

Hannah: What is your favourite word to say?
Yana: I, followed by ME, then, MYSELF.

Hannah: Who would you never perform for?
Yana: I don’t discriminate. But probably Daryl Somers.

Hannah: What part of your body would you be prepared to live without?
Yana: My heart.

Hannah: Do you have a muse?
Yana: I don’t have anyone, Hannah, I am alone in this world with my brilliance!

Quick Quiz

Oblong or rectangle? Long-tangle.

Children or Nanas? Never Children.

Quiche or Lorraine? Lorraine eating quiche.

Stone fruit or melons? Breasts.

Film or book? Who’s paying?

Roly Poly or Ring-a-Rosie? Roly Bi-Poly.

Garden or view? Something with a view is sure to be high enough to attempt to jump in front of a crowd.

Hate or indifference? Depends if I’m bleeding.

Morning or night? What are we stealing?

Is it me or you? Depends on who else is invited back to the hotel.

Read Yana’s probing interview with Hannah in Cherrie magazine